Renaissance Master

On Submission and Slavery

2011-10-05T13:53:00.000-05:00

What interests me about this discussion concerning slaves and submission is the beauty of what isn't always obvious. Simply put - there is something beautiful to me about slaves that indicate their level of personal responsibility by not only choosing a particular lifestyle path, but being able to articulate their rationale in doing so. When my slave writes concerning our dynamic;

"We would never have gotten to this point if it wasn't in me to DESIRE and CRAVE this very type of dynamic. In other words yes something in me desires for and longs for the type of dynamic in which i submit AND surrender to the person i'm with."

That is a thing of beauty - And I've seen other slaves indicate their desire for their relationship style of choice in similar fashion. I believe the allure of this approach is its insistence on the positive, namely;

This is what I want - I want a relationship in which I both submit and surrender to the will of another.

Conversely, devotees of the 'slaves aren't submissive' camp typically aren't articulating what I'd consider a positive desire e.g. 'THIS' (whatever it is) is what I desire, what I want. Many times what I read in their responses is precisely what they do NOT want - I don't want to be a whimpering puppy, a doormat, someone who isn't respected, someone that is perceived to not have any strength etc. etc. And in truth, I do not disagree with the majority of those points - after all, it would be a rare person indeed that DID in fact want to carry the burden of those negative characteristics as part of what they bring to the power exchange relationship dynamic. It is difficult to express a positive sentiment highlighting the negative. Additionally, I believe that these slaves do themselves and their potential owners a disservice by even the implication that NOT being submissive is an acceptable or a necessary component of ones slavery.

Why do I say this? We often say that words are 'containers' for meaning. The word slave carries with it an expectation, definitionally speaking that the person so referred to would be in a state of surrender, en-slaved as it were to someone or something outside themselves. The word slave has a definition meaning to either be held in servitude as the chattel of another or to be completely subservient to a dominating influence. It is difficult to see where we can insert the words 'not submissive' into this definition and still emerge with the preexisting definition of slave intact.

This isn't a one-size-fits-all scenario however - In the event that a person isn't submissive or makes the choice to not desire, want or need to express themselves in a submissive or surrendered fashion, then within the context of the definition of slavery it is at that point that they really cease to be a slave, or to be more specific, 'en-slaved' by another.

Perhaps they have been misunderstood - that could be a possibility, albeit a remote one. Our community does not lack for slaves that have articulated very well the fact that they are not submissive to everyone around them - their submission is held by and is focused toward one person, namely the person that owns them. I get that - and bravo to those slaves - in much the same way that my owning namaste doesn't in itself make me Master of All I Survey, it stands to reason that someone who identifies as a slave isn't 'community property' as it were (unless of course being community property is their desire!)

My conclusion then is that slaves that routinely say they are not submissive are;

'between masters'
misinformed about the very nature of slavery
making excuses to justify bad behavior or
all of the above.

Like the loud, abrasive aunt at the family reunion, their constant refrain about how they don't get along with anyone because of their insistence that 'people take them as they are' initially sounds like a clarion call for authenticity. However, that song gets old after a while and people start quietly leaving the room, recognizing that with most arguments of this type - if 'everyone' is misunderstanding you and 'nobody' gets it - its very probable that the person speaking is the one with the problem.

13 Folds

2011-07-25T12:51:00.000-05:00

"On behalf of the President of the United States and the Chief of Naval Operations, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one’s service to this Country and a grateful Navy." "God bless you and this family, and God bless the United States of America."

And with those words, the young Naval officer solemnly placed the folded casket flag into my arms. My heart broke with the emotion of the moment as I clutched the flag to my heart and the tears poured down my face - he slowly saluted, nodded to me and he and the other honor guard solemnly and slowly exited the tent erected over the gravesite of my father. This was July 5th - the day after Independence Day when my Dad was laid to rest in the same cemetary where my Mom was buried 13 years earlier.

Selective blindness... sometimes we can look right at a thing for so long it doesn’t register on our consciousness. For years I've seen the familiar tricorner shape of american flags in ceremonial display boxes, the deep blue of the flag contrasted with the crisp white stars. I've seen them here and there all my life, in offices, on shelves, in display cabinets and in the office backgrounds of various people being interviewed on television. I remember thinking something trite like 'how cool is that' or idly wondering how someone came to possess such a thing. I've also heard of ceremonial flags that are flown briefly above a state or national capitol building that are given or awarded as keepsakes. Beyond a cursory glance I never gave the provenance of these folded flags much thought. Until now.

I see those flags now and I know the difference. Now I know that the flag that Im seeing most often is a ceremonial flag, due to the small triangle. The ceremonial flag measures 3'x5'. A military casket flag measures by comparison 9.5'x5' and when it is folded properly, lengthwise and then folded again, it can be folded in the triangle pattern exactly 13 times. Typically it is taken from the casket and folded by an honor guard at the gravesite and then presented to the next of kin with all the gravity and solemnity of that ceremony - it is a wonderful, majestic thing to see the honor, love and care that goes into the ceremony. At the same time I wish that nobody ever had to experience this ceremony and receive this flag.

I am seriously proud of my Dad, that he served with honor in the Navy. And as I reflect on the events that marked his passing, I also feel that we've added to our family. We are part of a different, larger family now, a family filled with thousands and thousands of people - faces that I do not know and probably never will. Yet we are family nonetheless, as we are bound together in a sense by our shared experience - that our kin now is laid to rest and we have this folded flag as a symbol of their service and also to mark their passing.

I will never look at a US flag so folded in the same way again.

Rest well, Pops. I love you.

Mastery and Sleep II

2010-09-09T12:13:00.000-05:00

There are a dizzying array of caffeinated, multi colored energy drinks, supplements, juices and pills on the market today as we all know (and have consumed from time to time) I don’t want to go down the path about the effects of caffeine or stimulants on the brain or any pseudo scientific analysis of what and how these things do what they do. That’s really not the point.

What I asked myself – and what I’d like you, gentle RM to ask yourself, ... is a simple question.

Why are they here?

Economics 101 teaches us about market forces – the forces of supply and demand and how they operate in the marketplace. When we examine a concept like ‘demand’ – which is literally a want, backed by the ability to pay for it, and its counterpart ‘supply’ which is the willingness to provide something in exchange for payment….the simple answer is that energy drinks and supplements abound because we as a society want them and continue to pay a premium for them, so it makes sense that manufacturers continue to make a profit by meeting those needs.

Go a little deeper RM.

But, why are they here? Really? - depending on who you ask in the academic community they might point out the factoid that we have as a nation cut about 90 minutes off our collective average sleeping time per night. And we continue to work on that - spending less and less time asleep on the whole each year. There are other reasons to be sure – but to me, this stands out as prima facie evidence of why the marketplace continues to offer so many choices of substances that are basically designed to keep us awake and alert. Its simple really, RM.

People who aren't tired don’t need energy drinks to stay awake. They aren't necessary.

Could our lack of proper amounts of rest be the silent culprit behind….

The disturbing frequency with which a lack of civility and manners crops up in our subculture?
The fact that a lot of us in the scene are overweight?
The preponderance of addictive prone personalities in our subculture?
Other collectively negative and/or individually harmful social phenomena?

You might say that I'm reaching RM, dragging in a load of cultural phenomena under this broad, very convenient umbrella of the cumulative effects of sleeplessness. ….and might be correct, perhaps I am stretching things metaphorically, a little. Maybe.

Consider this however - if you read down the list I gave you yesterday concerning the scientifically verifiable and cumulative effects of chronic sleep deprivation, perhaps you might not think of this as quite so much of a stretch at all. But enough theorizing for one day. Lets move on to what I promised you on yesterday which was an exploration of what remedies we might be able to avail ourselves of in response to this dread situation that many of us find ourselves facing.

One more observation – I do NOT advocate treatment of the unfortunate side effects of sleep deprivation as cure. In other words – ingesting something that helps you stay awake during the day is NOT synonymous with eliminating your sleep deprivation. I dont consider energy drinks/coffee/caffeinated drinks and supplements as being evil and disgusting, far from it. I often enjoy a hot cup of freshly ground dark roast right out of a french press with heavy cream. And some of the energy drinks that I've tasted are quite tasty and also effective as well. Occasionally they are necessary and helpful – just be aware of the fact that if we don’t address our fundamental need for sleep, that toll still continues to collect interest and eventually our bodies will pay the price.

So here are some helps, RM – pick and choose as you will and also add some if you know of any that will be of benefit to other readers;

Write it down. Are you the kind of person that keeps a laundry list of shyt that needs to be taken care of or things that are troubling you that you need to work on in your head all the time? Us high-control types tend to notice a lot of things – the unfortunate side effect is that our brain tries to help us not forget the most important ones by staying awake to think about them. Write them down. The list will be there tomorrow and you can rest in the meantime.

Don’t use your bed for anything but fucking or sleeping. Period. No reading, watching TV or eating cookies. Its too easy to make associations in your brain that arent compatible with sleeping.

Exercise is excellent – but not within 3 hours or so of bedtime. Your body produces hormones in response to exercise that are in line with staying up…not sleeping.

Create a nightly ritual for preparation for bedtime – going to bed at the same time, even doing repetitive things like changing clothing, going to take a shower or brush your teeth..establishing patterns that your racing mind will associate with 'sleep time' will yield benefits as you will start to calm yourself in anticipation of sleeping, which will make it easier to fall asleep when you get in bed.

Protect your need to sleep – if you don’t make sleep a priority, then there will never be enough time for sleep. That means you must make time in your schedule for sleep, RM. Time is linear and most of us have a time when we must be up and about – so we must therefore go to bed earlier.

5HTP - 5 HTP is an over the counter nutritional supplement. Chemically, its the metabolic precursor to the neurotransmitter serotonin. Tryptophane, an essential amino acid, is metabolized into 5-HTP by the body. 5 HTP is in turn, converted into the neurotransmitter Serotonin. Serotonin is responsible for mood, hunger and sleep. When I've used 5HTP I've found that I sleep deeper and when I wake up Im generally more optimistic and upbeat as well. Its not expensive and it works for me. Try some.

Avoid caffeine, alcohol and cigarettes several hours prior to bedtime. Stimulants are the enemy of sleep – if you’re amped up on caffeine, its going to be tougher to get good, restful sleep.

Is your bedroom conducive to good sleeping? Get rid of clutter, pay attention to your mattress, pillows, bed linens. Everything that touches your body should be of the highest quality that you can personally afford. If it feels good on your skin you’ll feel better and be more relaxed as a result and more likely to enjoy your sleep experience.

Do you snore excessively? Often wake up feeling groggy and not well rested? Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night gasping or with a sensation of choking? Do you feel better when you fall asleep in a sitting position, e.g. in a chair or recliner..but not a bed? You may be suffering from sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is a sleep disorder characterised by abnormal pauses in breathing or instances of abnormally low breathing, during sleep. Each pause in breathing, called an apnea, can last from a few seconds to minutes, and may occur 5 to 30 times or more an hour. If you suspect this is happening to you, you need to see a sleep doctor. The Dr may recommend a sleep study, which is where they monitor your sleep for a night to see how often you are experiencing apnea. There are a number of methods to offer relief from apnea and your doctor will work with you to find the treatment that best works for you. If you have sleep apnea, dont procrastinate - see a doctor as soon as you can. Apnea can be life threatening if untreated.

Temperature is important – your bedroom should be cool, dark and quiet.

Do you have problems getting back to sleep after you get up and go to the bathroom? The culprit might be the light bulb…..If you DO have to get up in the middle of the night, keep the lights off. In general you should endeavor to keep your room as dark as possible. Research indicates that exposure to moderate or bright lights that interrupt our sleep cycle can disrupt our circadian rhythms and fool our brains into believing that its daytime, leading to wakefulness.

Give yourself a specific bedtime – this may take a while…you’ve been not sleeping good for a while now..turning this thing around and developing good sleep habits may take some time to do, so dont beat yourself up about it if it doesnt happen immediately. It may take some work...and some time, to get better.

No heavy meals before bedtime – a light snack of something that contains tryptophan like apple pie and ice cream, whole-grain cereal with milk, hazelnuts and tofu , oatmeal and raisin cookies, and a glass of milk, peanut butter sandwich, ground sesame seeds.. note that it takes around one hour for the tryptophan in whatever foods you eat to actually reach the brain, so don't wait until right before bedtime to have your snack.

What if you still cant sleep – don’t beat yourself up about it. Studies have shown that you still are getting 70-80% of the benefits of sleep by relaxing quietly with your eyes closed.

Remedies and adjustments like these abound – just do a search on ‘sleep’ and you’ll soon have more recommendations than you can digest in hours and hours of reading. Which will work for you? You may have to experiment - each of us are different and respond to different things.

For most of us, the most important thing we can do to start getting more/better sleep;

Recognize that we need more sleep and apply our intention to achieving that goal.

For some of us, that means doing the research online to find specific remedies that are workable for us, like the short list of recommendations above. For others – we really just need to commit our time and attention to doing things differently. We know better RM…and we have known better for some time.

But just KNOWING differently means little if we don’t also DO differently.

At the end of the day RM – each of us is King or Queen in our respective castles and as such, we are free to do as we like. It is my belief that you, like myself are all about the business of constantly moving toward the best this life has to offer in all fields of practical endeavor and contemplation and the command and enjoyment of exquisite servitude. Proper governance of your specific kingdom demands a lot of that person who would sit on the throne - and we need to be at 100%, RM. Seriously.

The final stanza of the Elizabeth Barrett Browning poem, 'The Sleep' - that I began Mastery and Sleep with a few days ago refers to the end of life – there are no tears at the end over one that has squeezed every drop of joy out of a life well lived. None of us like to think about that time when we shall close our eyes on this plane of existence for the last time, but that day comes for all of us, and for some sooner than later. Don’t let those in your Kingdom grieve over you because you’ve left the throne unoccupied early….through inattention or outright ignorance.

Let them rejoice instead over a life well lived – an intentional life lived on your terms, with a fierce joy. Hopefully that day is far, far away for all of us – therefore gentle RM – Let us do what we can do RIGHT NOW – to increase our enjoyment of the life that we have. What could be simpler than putting the hammer away, shutting off the computer, the television, closing the book…and getting more of the rest, the sleep that you need?

Start tonight RM – please let me know how you are doing. Hit me on Fetlife as MasterObsidian or via email – House.of.obsidian@gmail.com

Sleep well, RM.

Mastery and Sleep

2010-09-06T15:12:00.000-05:00

What would we give to our beloved?
The hero’s heart to be unmoved,
The poet’s star-tun’d harp to sweep,
The patriot’s voice to teach and rouse,
The monarch’s crown to light the brows?
He giveth His beloved, sleep.
- Browning

Can't Sleep, Clown will Eat Me.

I’ve been thinking of late RM about the function and the necessity of sleep. Im reminded that it wasn’t that long ago, during the Q&A portion of the International Master/slave competition that I was asked about the area of my biggest struggle and I had to make a choice at that moment. The answer that came immediately to mind wasn’t directly applicable to the Master/slave lifestyle, but it does potentially have an effect on that and every other facet of our lives together as Master and slave. That answer , RM was that I have an issue with sleeping. Not that I suffer from any sort of chronic insomnia or a genetic predisposition to not sleeping….I just don’t like to sleep.

If given a choice between going to bed or staying up reading or writing or researching, I will almost always desire the option that involves staying up a little later, finishing this chapter, this movie, this article, this…whatever. You get the point – I’d rather do anything than go to bed.
There are a number of different reasons that have been primary at one time or another during my lifetime. At times I’ve felt that I’d be missing something if I went to sleep, therefore I’d stay up and do the much more interesting thing whatever that is, instead of wasting valuable time abed. At other times I’ve been working on various projects or been under some sort of deadline that would require in my mind extended periods of time where I felt I needed to go without sleep to accomplish some goal I’d set for myself.

Note, RM that even as I write this I recognize that my impressions of what was ‘necessary’ with regard to my own sleep deprivation may not have been realistic, but it certainly felt so at the time. And since we are ruminating, let me also add that there seems to be a thought in the back of my mind that sleep is for wussies. A strong, capable person (like myself, I thought) has the ability to tap into hidden reserves of strength not immediately apparent to the average person and thereby exist on about half the amount of sleep that most people need to function. I told myself (and others) some version of that macho bullshit for years, as I routinely allowed myself roughly 4 hours a night of sleep on average, many times going without sleep entirely, getting what I called my ‘second wind’ around 4 a.m. at which time I’d start to feel more awake as dawn approached. I’d crash the following afternoon of course and take a nap during lunch and somehow make it through the doldrums of the afternoon in a quasi awake state. The stark reality is that there is no such thing as a superpower of not needing sleep. I was burning the candle at both ends. Sure, I developed elaborate coping strategies, but on some level I knew that this wasn’t good for me and I’d also be cognizant of the need to make some sort of change…but I’d do it again and again anyway.

The Beauty of the Night
For me, the middle of the night is a beautiful place to be. Its quiet, dark – the people that you love are safe and tucked away sleeping, there are no interruptions, no phone ringing, no worrying about finishing up things here before you have to be there by X time – none of those irritating phenomena that we accept as part and parcel of the daylight world. For about 6 or so hours each night after what is commonly considered ‘late night’ activity; the susurrus of murmured conversations over the issues of the day, wearing my slave out in bed, scening, watching television etc.. it all would fade away by midnight and then I would feel this moment of peaceful, beautiful silence that stretched before me like a vast, blank tablet that is waiting. Waiting for my hand to mold and to shape it into somewhen that is totally mine to do with as I will…until the approach of dawn. It is a wondrous and incredibly seductive time, RM. And the most amazing thing is that unlike birthdays, holidays and other special occaisions – this moment always unfurls before me like a beautiful delicate, inky black rose each and every night! I loved being awake and staying awake as long as possible. Sometimes I dreamed of a world in which I'd never have to sleep and could just use all 24 hours of the clock for my porpoises....But you know what kids.. everything has a price tag.

Nothing is free.
There IS a tradeoff, gentle RM. For my habitual idyllic sojourns in the land of sleeplessness, there is a toll. And the bill is paid by the body - specifically the allowing of some or perhaps most of a growing list of travelers to accompany me through the pathways of the waking world. Who are these travelers? - they go by varied and numerous names;

Hallucination – ever see those elusive little shadows that appear to be just out of the corner of your eyes, darting under beds or couches or the sense that ‘something’ was over there but isnt right now? What about.... Irritability, Cognitive impairment, Memory lapses or loss, Severe Yawning, Symptoms similar to ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), Impaired moral judgement, Decreased reaction time and accuracy, Tremors, Aching muscles, Risk of Diabetes Type 2, Growth suppression, Risk of obesity, Decreased temperature, Increased heart rate variability, Risk of heart disease, Impaired immune system...

These are facts RM…not opinion. These are iIrrefutable, scientifically verified, independantly provable, in-your-face.. facts. When we dont sleep as a way of life, these critters (and others) eventually become a part of our world.

At the shallow end of the pool, the list of travelers that would go with me through the waking world seemed like a small price to pay - as long as they were few and variable. But be warned RM that the effects of sleep deprivation are cumulative and it has been my experience that the longer one goes without sleep on both the short (single night, or series of adjacent nights) or the long (over a period of months or years) term - the more of these critters clamber aboard. Additionally, I’ve found that even if the list or quantity of symptoms doesn’t grow – the ‘weight’ if you will of specific attributes tends to expand geometrically...and as a result YOU gentle RM can begin to expand as well..

Por ejemplo...

Did you know that sleep deprivation disrupts your bodies ability to regulate hormones that control metabolism and appetite?

As a result you over eat during the day and also don’t lose weight as rapidly or consistently as a healthy person.
Being overweight changes how you breathe, especially when sleeping – you develop chronic snoring and also sleep apnea where the soft tissues in the back of the throat relax and cut off your airway - you literally stop breathing for extended periods of time while asleep,
the body jolts itself awake to breathe by releasing panic signals/hormones whenever oxygen levels dip and remain below an optimal level as the body worksnto keep you alive.
These constant cycles of oxygen deprivation/adrenaline throughout the night stress your heart and also prohibit deep, restful sleep,..
...which leads to increased tiredness during the day, and additionally
disrupts your bodies ability to regulate hormones that control metabolism and appetite, SO....during the day you overeat......

Lather, rinse and repeat the above cycle until dead.

This cycle isnt the only reason why a person becomes overweight, I realize that.

The point Im making is that at the deep end of the pool, chronic sleep deprivation will eventually kill you RM - mostly indirectly by contributing to complicated health issues that singularly or collectively damage your body enough to kill it. There. I said it.

Yes, I could have waxed long and pedantic about various and sundry sleep aids like the best mattress for the money, size and quantity of pillows, their assorted fillings, the importance and relevance of thread count in bed linens and the merits of egyptian cotton vs domestically grown.

And perhaps I will at a later date.

But before we explore the concept of sleeping WELL, gentle RM – we need to tackle head on the issue that many of us struggle with, and that is sleeping AT ALL.

A question for you RM – you’ve put a lot of time and energy into the cultivation, development and structure of the relationship with that person or persons that serve you. Would you then consider it appropriate or responsible to then direct said submissive or slave to leave your service and go serve a different Master that is unhealhily overweight, chronically forgetful, clumsy, angry and suffers from heart disease, symptoms of ADHD, an impaired immune system, tremors, and impaired moral judgement?

Of course it’s a heavy handed overstatement RM and a borderline unreasonable example. Point? There is one and not just on top of my head.

Look into this article and let me know if you see your reflection anywhere. Are you a part of my Tribe of the Sleep Deprived – you know who you are and you know that this is Truth. Have you one or more of those aforementioned critters with you during the day, most days?

Seriously?

Killing oneself by degrees is neither Renaissance nor Masterly.

So what do we do next???????

This is long enough to be a two-parter and I hate to leave you right here, but you get the point RM.

Its time to make a change. I want to be here for a long time - and I want YOU to be here too. We've got a lot of enjoying of the best that life has to offer still to come...so that means we have to make some very necessary changes.

Trust - There are solutions – we will explore some of those in some detail next. Meet me here tomorrow. In the meantime I welcome your comment.

Rest well, RM.

Mastery and Illusion

2010-06-07T16:52:00.001-05:00

Is expertise more important than Mastery? If you ask 10 Masters which is more important, you might get 10 different answers, but a few of those will be of the variety “It depends” and more than a few may answer that expertise is more important. What say you, RM?

How about an example? I was talking to my slave about this phenomenon and she posed the question “what if a slave is so developed in a particular area that the addition of a Master’s will to that area of her life wouldn’t actually improve it??” Lets say the hypothetical slave has hyper developed skills of organization for instance. She or he always knows where everything is, what time something is supposed to begin, how much of a particular ingredient is left in the pantry before replenishments need to be purchased, etc… In fact, said slave is SO organized that her Master has directed the slave to effectively operate as Master in their relationship – in this specific area only. Why? Lets say the hypothetical Master is not very organized. At all. Is constantly forgetting things, losing car keys, cellphones, lots of ‘horizontal filing systems’ aka piles of papers on their desk etc. Doesn’t it make sense for the Master in this instance to make use of the skill set that the slave apparently possesses in abundance and essentially allow the slave to be the Master in this specific, targeted area?

In this age of specialty my answer might be surprising RM…but I must answer in the negative. As in absolutely not, never, no, nein. Fugeddaboutit. Why do I say this? Our enjoyment of our power exchange relationship structure is dependent on some fundamentals. This person, my slave has essentially given up their power to me. That power to control was given freely, without coercion or any negativity. Having assumed that position in her life where Im actually the person controlling things, it is important that I establish the parameters or boundaries that this control will be exercised in. Its not enough to sit on the throne and loudly declare oneself to be Lord and Master of all surveyed. Mastery is an action word – it requires the RM to actually DO SOMETHING. And in this regard that “something” that is done takes the shape of working on the slave – not only in establishing boundaries and expectations, but maintaining those boundaries and expectations as well.

I believe its important that we both know what’s going on with respect to what I want as Master (in terms of exercising control and dominance in her direction) and on her side, she needs to understand what my expectations are with respect to her responses and activities. Both Master and slave watch this ‘intersection’ of wills very intently, because similarly to an actual traffic intersection, the speed and rate of the traffic flow in either direction can vary widely. What is paramount is that we have the structure in place so we do not have collisions in the intersection. There is a call and response to the M/s dynamic – and ebb and flow that in many ways is not unlike a dance. The Master and the slave together – Dominance requires a response of surrender or submission. Control requires a response of obedience. At the intersection of the wills of the Master and slave or Dominant and submissive – each must know the rules of the road so to speak to avoid catastrophic collisions that ultimately give neither the pleasure that they seek from the experience of opening themselves to this shared level of authenticity..and vulnerability. The operative word here is pleasure. It pleases me to be in control. It pleases my slave to be under that control and to respond to it.

I’ve seen more than a few people in the M/s lifestyle miss this one, to their eventual chagrin. Lets explore why that is and what happens. Returning to the original example of the slave with hyper developed skills and for the sake of difficulty, let us also assume that this area of ability on part of the slave is also an area of deficiency on the part of the Master. It doesn’t have to be ‘organization’, it could be anything. It could be the management of finances, maintenance of one sort or another…fill in the blank with the activity or area of expertise of your choice. The well meaning, but misguided Master offers the opportunity to the slave to essentially be “in charge” of the Master in this perceived area of deficiency. He or She believes that this is somehow allowing the slave to pursue and exercise their highest potential…for what appears to be the highest good of the relationship. The slave at the same time may agree with this assessment and be both thrilled and excited at the opportunities to shine and to make their Master or Mistress proud of them. The expectation is that both Master and slave would be enriched by this new experience.

That is, until the majestic tapestry of relationship that these individuals as Master and slave have been weaving together starts to become frayed and worn around the edges. Why? Illusion. Lets explore what might be happening in this relationship;

The slave, seemingly released from their bonds in this particular area only, is soon challenged by a gnawing discomfort – an internal sense of unease because being in charge of or wielding control of their Master doesn’t bring the joy. Being in control gives YOU joy RM…don’t make the mistake of assuming that it will bring YOUR PROPERTY that same joy. Some may begin to question their Master in other areas tangential to their perceived area of expertise more often, either internally or externally. Others may desire to have MORE control or dominance exercised in their direction to compensate for the fact that they feel ‘out of order’ being in control of their Owner. Unfortunately in many cases these slaves do NOT receive additional Dominance or control because the Master is oblivious that anything is amiss until the slave starts manifesting their internal disquiet through acting out in more and more obvious ways. And finally, some slaves may begin to quietly withdraw internally from the dynamic, losing their fire and enthusiasm for many of the things that used to bring them bliss in their servitude.

And what happens to the Master?

Having allowed part of their kingdom to be annexed – even though it was at their direction, the Master may begin to experience periods or moments of anxiety, of self doubt, a low grade sense that something is amiss..but feel unsure as to how to identify exactly what is troubling them. Some Masters may find themselves overreacting with anger as the slave begins exercising the control that they have been given as they discover that their normally gentle or soft spoken slave becomes rather feisty and demanding as a leader. Of course a slave, not being used to Mastery, and perhaps more importantly not being wired to receive the same benefits from exercising Control that you do as Master - is rarely going to act as you would. A slave in Control is literally “acting the part” – and so they may become a caricature of the Master, reacting unnecessarily heavy handed where a quiet word would suffice, or demonstrative of anger and irritation where the Master in that same situation would be decisive and specific, acting in the authority that is natural for His or Her personality.

The Master although well meaning..and the slave although being obedient – are both in roles and situations in this example that are not internally nourishing. Neither are receiving the things they need to be their true selves. This role reversal does not provide the internal fuel that either party needs to run at peak operating efficiency. And like an internal combustion engine running on a mixture of fuel and water - the engine begins to falter and sputter and overall performance begins to decline.

What can be done?

Masters are not omnicient – we do not know everything and we may not be at our best in any number of endeavors. There is a very real possibility that those that we own may possess those same skill sets we lack, in abundance. Im not advocating at all that the RM run out and strive to be expert in everything. That is neither realistic nor practical – and depending on the subject matter might not be very enjoyable either. However the astute RM must be aware of what he or she is asking for when we seek to command....and it begins with our intention and focus. There is a difference between those that Command and Control and those that provide Status and Update. In my opinion slaves should never be in Command of the Master, nor in Control of the Master. Even if said slave is an expert in what the Master wants done and the Master is 100% ignorant within the particular field of expertise engaged.

The Master provides the structure and boundaries within which the slave can operate and wield their talents and influence on behalf of the Master to achieve certain specified goals. The slave in response to the control and direction of the Master is in position to wield their influence, to provide counsel, status, update or any number of services to the Master….but does not retain direct power to make changes or implement new courses of action unilaterally, without permission. It is not necessary for the Master and slave to exchange roles, or to elevate the slave to Master in any facet of their relationship in order to achieve a specific goal, no matter how lofty.

It may seem counter intuitive and for some perhaps it is – but think about it RM. Emerson said; “The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.” Do not take away your slave’s joy by forcing them to sit on Your Throne alone – even for a short while. The success of your relationship and the satisfaction you both derive from your prospective roles may depend on your decision.

Rule well, RM.

Master's Moleskine

2010-05-27T13:31:00.003-05:00

Today’s Quote;
“Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.” - Albert Einstein

My Thoughts; I've been thinking of late about the pivotal events in a man's life. Pivotal as in vitally important, especially in determining the outcome, progress, or success of something. Pivotal in the sense that we recognize the significance of that moment...after which everything has changed in some way and you find yourself headed in a new or different direction. In a man's life there are many.

The first time something or someone you cared about passed away.
Creating something with your own hands for the first time.
Devotion of your time and intention to Becoming Really Good at Something.
Making that first Big Purchase
...Or what about the first time she lifted her hips slightly to enable you to take off her panties. No..Not last week - although good for you if that is the case...Im talking about the first time it happened, ever. That's pivotal Bro.
What about the first time you truly glimpsed the Path you were on - and you understood what it means to devote yourself to Mastery...
What are some of your pivotal events? What did they teach you? What have you learned?

Things We Love; There are some transcendant moments when you realize how good it is to be alive and how excellent it is to be a man. We dont get together as much or as often as we should, but there is nothing to compare to the experience of laughing together with men of like minds. In my minds eye I can go back to a warm evening with two very dear friends...two of us with cigars and two fingers of the dark liquor of our choice in hand, the other with a cigarette. I dont remember what the hell we talked about - its not important. What is important to me is the laughter. Deep, rich..from the belly..the kind that leaves you slumped over sideways in your chair, short of breath and wiping a tear out of the corner of your eye with the back of your hand. It comes in waves - as soon as it dies down, someone will say something that will start it up again.

My wish for every man is that you be blessed with friends that you can laugh with like that. I believe the entire world would benefit.

Now, It's not too late if you do not have that kind of relationship in your life, and I'll share with you a profound secret that I've discovered along the way. You can change big things in your life today, if that's what you want. And only you can want whatever it is in such a way that it is going to work for you. Say what it is that you want. Not 'in your head' - actually say it out loud. Yes, I know it sounds goofy - but its real. What if the things that are missing in our lives arent there simply because we've never said that's what we wanted? The concept of self-advocacy is taught in the schools these days all the time. People of our generation missed a lot of those lessons. So lets begin today - now, while nobody's looking lets advocate for ourselves and speak our truth out into the void. Having good friends does not have to be a rare occurrance that only happens to other people. And by saying this to yourself, today....only you will know the truth of it and see it actually begin to unfold after this moment, true? Of course if you want to share your success with me, I'd love to hear about it! Do it now!

Music in my Head: Old school stuff...Marvin Gaye singing Distant Lover live...Steely Dan, AJA...Earth Wind and Fire....Would.You Mind..

Travels; We have graduations happening over the next couple of weeks, so no travels other than the usual. Looking forward to flying home Friday morning!

Deliciousness; Read an article in Esquire about making the Best Burger in the World. What that means is taking the time to identify your own special blend of meat, grinding it and including your own blend of spices. Im planning on two parts chuck with good marbling to one part sirloin. I plan on doing just that this weekend to celebrate my daughters graduation from high school with a serious BBQ. Its going to be messy no doubt, but its also going to be fantastic. There's nothing like chilling in the evening smelling of smoke with a celebratory beverage in hand and seeing everyone around you full and happy. Im looking forward to this weekend!

Adventures this week; I've been working on focusing my intention toward what it is that I actually WANT out of this life instead of spending so much time and energy thinking about that which I do NOT want. It seems like a small distinction, but it is actually very important. Check this;
"Continuing to tell stories of shortage only continues to contradict your desire for abundance, and you cannot have it both ways: You cannot focus upon unwanted and receive wanted. You cannot focus upon stories about money that make you feel uncomfortable and allow into your experience what makes you feel comfortable. A different story will bring different results: My thoughts are the basis for the attraction of all things that I consider to be good, which includes enough money, and health, for my comfort and joy."
--- Abraham

Ex Libris; Spook Country, William Gibson; overheard on a plane that there is a new Laurell K Hamilton out AND a new J.R. Ward. I want them both.

I am thankful for; my slave, good friends and family and a good nights rest. If you've ever suffered from even the smallest bout with insomnia you know how good it is to rest deeply and peacefully and to awaken refreshed and ready to meet the challenges of the day.

Discover the Event; The next large scale event is going to be in Atlanta GA where we will be doing two classes at SELF, June 11-13. The weekend after we are going to be in NOLA and the following weekend in our nations capital - currently looking around to see what trouble we can get into in both of those wonderful cities. If you have some good ideas, let me know...

Wisdom; You are close to your goal. Rest if you must - but dont you quit.

When I was a kid, my Dad would recite parts of this poem to me and as corny as it seemed then - its amazing how often I've heard these words in my head, in his voice...right at the time when I needed them. I offer a bit of it to you here and a link to where you can read the whole thing - enjoy.

Dont Quit.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Master's Moleskine

2010-05-17T20:11:00.001-05:00

Today’s Quote;

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”

Oscar Wilde

My Thoughts; I've been thinking of late about outer vs inner space. By that I mean that its wonderful to spend an evening over libations and good conversation concerning the weighty issues of the day, be they political, sports related or general philosophy..explore 'outer space' But what about the interior? As I get older Im recognizing the importance of looking inside, not being so concerned about what "they" are doing "out there" but what am I doing 'in here'? What am I thinking? Feeling? Concerned with today? How is my health? What are my goals? My beliefs?

Things We Love; Recently had an opportunity to see the premiere of the opera "Moby Dick" - words fail me to describe how wonderful it was to hear voices raised in song...Sometimes we are so blessed and fortunate to be in the presence of greatness, of mastery. There is something of the sacred in bearing witness to the moment in which you see another human being at the peak of their game, doing best That Thing They were Meant to Do. I cherish and savor those moments whenever and wherever I find them.

Music in my Head: Corinne Bailey Rae, live...singing Since I Been Loving You. Maxwell - Pretty Wings, Enigma, Touchness.

Travels; has been seriously much of late. A few weeks ago we were in Florida presenting at Beyond Leather, Two weeks ago in San Jose for the NWLC. Then last week for regular biz, traveled to Dallas then Las Vegas, then back to Houston and then Dallas, then home to Austin. In one week. Deep breath.

Deliciousness; Looking forward to some deliciously hot catfish filets this evening for dinner, perhaps paired with a nice red wine as we are out of whites and its serious T-Storms outside so Im not going to the store to get any. Maybe I'll enjoy them with a frosty Red Stripe instead of wine.

Adventures this week; after a week that I had last week - we were still looking forward to traveling back to LA for DomCon, however the titanic T-Storms that snarled air traffic on Friday effectively negated getting out to LA. this weekend. Doing nothing, otoh can be its own event. It was sweet.

Ex Libris; The War of the Flowers, by Tad Williams, The Science of Happiness

I am thankful for; Durable 737's that can handle lightning strikes and keep chugging along through the skies. The art and science of wine making. Good wine is amazing.

Discover the Event; Our next event is for the TNG group here in Austin, Tx. The class is on Mastery and Authenticity. The next large scale event is going to be in Atlanta GA where we will be doing two classes at SELF, June 11-13.

Wisdom; Sometimes you stand alone.

Sometimes life throws you curves you werent expecting. MLK said that we start to die when we neglect to speak up about things that really matter. If you have to stand alone concerning something important, and that time has come upon you when you were looking the other way..dont despair. You are ready. You've always been ready...and you will find the strength to do that which must be done when you need it. Your whole life has been preparing you for this time, whether you realize it or not. You can do this.

Mastery vs Selfishness...

2010-05-16T19:30:00.001-05:00

When is a Master like a Big Baby? Is Mastery just selfishness dressed for the prom?

A hungry or wet baby isn’t trying to be mean or cruel to you as a parent by whimpering, crying or throwing an enraged screaming fit when needs aren’t being met. The baby doesn’t care about your bad day at the office or the fact that your car broke down and it took you an extra two hours to get home. They arent being cruel because they aren’t malicious at heart. They are creatures of pure need and they are helpless to provide for themselves. They are clueless about your day because that is beyond their scope of reference. The largest and most important Being in their universe is themselves. In the case of an infant, being totally self referenced isnt a sin – its entirely appropriate for their stage of development. As a Master on the other hand, being entirely self referenced is not only inappropriate, but for the long term health of the M/s dynamic could be potentially deadly to the relationship. Being clueless of what is going on with my slave and being totally focused on my own needs and wants is irresponsible at the least and potentially dangerous at the worst.

Okay – enough metaphor for one day.

But lets not ignore the question…how is being a Master not an elaborate exercise in self referenced behavior? Is our care and control exercised for the safety and well-being of those that we own an elaborate ruse to get our own needs met? Is there anything wrong with recognizing the fact that you need to give in order to get? After all, nobody would accuse me of selfish motives for spending my hard earned lucre on gas when the gauge gets below half full, or on tires or necessary parts when my auto is in a state of disrepair. There is an implicit understanding in the care and feeding of automobiles that if you plan to own and drive one for any length of time, the amount of care you will indirectly receive from said auto is at least commensurate with the amount of care you put into it.

Ok, so sue me. More metaphor. Delicious.

Seriously though - You get the point, RM? If we can take care of our tools, our automobiles and our domicile however grandiose or humble…then we should be actively and seriously looking at what is necessary to take care of our slave(s) or submissive(s) as well.

But take into consideration for a moment RM that 'what is necessary' can wear many different robes. Consider the property that is energized and fulfilled precisely by behavior from the owner that most would characterize as incredibly selfish, bordering on negligence or disinterest. Lets create a shared language of understanding around the term ‘care’for instance. Lets toss out the references to ‘care’ being synonymous with ‘burdensome’ because for this example they are tangential to the subject. I would submit, gentle RM that terms like ‘close attention’ would apply here. What about watchful oversight; charge or supervision – or to be concerned or interested. When we apply terms such as these to the Master/slave dynamic, these terms lead us down another very interesting pathway.

Picture a Master – perhaps yourself, gentle RM…taking your ease in your favorite chair. Your dress is comfortable you are enjoying a glass of your favorite vintage and you have your feet out front of you, resting comfortably on the back of your slave. Your cigar is lit and you are leisurely smoking perhaps, if such is your predilection, and one of your slaves hands is open at the ready to receive the ash, at the appropriate time. Some might prefer to use the mouth as ashtray, I’ve heard. Using your slave(s) as inanimate object might seem cruel and unusual to the untrained eye. However I believe that if done well, both Master and slave enjoy the experience in a state of bliss. Why? Because there is a critical distinction between selfishness and care within the M/s dynamic although in practice, actions may look fundamentally the same – only the intent behind them is different. The critical distinction is that selfishness cares not at all about outcome. The selfish hand takes without giving back and the selfish mouth consumes without regard as to where the provenance comes from. In this instance the selfish Master, the Big Baby that we referred to earlier doesn’t give a tinker’s damn what the slave is getting out of the experience. The caring Master on the other hand, although appearing to possess a cruel demeanor and a aloof, even dismissive affect, is at the same time observing very carefully and on some level is cataloging actions and reactions of the slave. The caring Master is mindful of the level and severity of fatigue experienced by the slave in holding the specific position, and may also be intentional about how long the slave can hold a specific position without moving.

In fact, that Master may decide to push the slave to near or complete failure by a specific action, or series of actions simply because he/she receives pleasure from doing so. They may be visibly unmoved by trembling, by tears or the apparent excruciating sensations generated within the body of the slave in holding said position. But this is all intentional. It takes energy, intention and focus to momentarily ignore or disavow the perceived needs of the submissive or slave for comfort, for respite or for a host of things that many would consider pleasant and ‘good’. To ignore their basic human needs for a time in pursuit of a specific goal or set of goals. The astute RM seeks not to be surprised by outcomes, for each test, each trial whether physical, as in this example or even spiritual or mental is a portal, an opportunity for the growth and development of the person owned, or for their instruction in one way or another. This isnt to say that the RM is omniscient or omnipresent – what he or she is…is paying attention.

Let us be Mindful RM.

Dont forget

2010-05-05T19:44:00.002-05:00

“Your days are short here; this is the last of your springs. And now in the serenity and quiet of this lovely place, touch the depths of truth, feel the hem of Heaven. You will go away with old, good friends. And don't forget when you leave why you came.” Adlai Stevenson

This is the path we trod – our shared search for meaning, a search for that quintessential *something* - that thing that once found will forever be a part of us and now while on our search is almost always seen in shadow, peripherally – out of the corner of our eye. It is maddening sometimes, this search. But occasionally you find it. You grasp it and make it your own.

For some of us the realization of this truth will be found in movement, in the actual doing of something – righting some wrong or climbing higher or running further than we thought we could. Pushing beyond our boundaries. Reaching out beyond ourselves and doing it anyway. No matter what anyone else says, either for or against.

For others, the simple joy will be found in living rapturously, intensely – experientally. The sight of something so beautiful that it makes your whole body smile. The immersion in redolent scents, in the tasting of things fantastically crispy, or rich or silky smooth.. Or in the watching of the world around us unfolding and the wisdom of the nautilus and the spiral stair – patterns repeat themselves and we are here because we have always been here and will always be. Hear the symphony contained within a single note..

And let us not forget those for whom living intentionally means pouring themselves out like water, soaking deep into the hidden places, the cracked and dry blasted plains of our lives and literally drenching those parched, arid vistas with their passion – they bring us both laughter and tears and we come away from their presence refreshed, clean..renewed. We walk forward with the scent of their rain in our hair and the memory of clouds. Don’t forget to say thank you.

We are our stories.

Take a moment - Look at your hands and resolve that for the next five minutes you will live an intentional existence. Be here. Right here and right now. Look for once through your own eyes at that which lies before you. Eat it up. Taste it. Smell it. Live it.

Make it last.

You hear that?

Your life is calling. Go find out what it wants!

Masters Holding Space

2010-01-21T08:59:00.000-06:00

Holding space for slaves. What does this mean? How can I as a Master hold space for my slave? In the traditional sense, ‘Holding Space‘ for someone means staying engaged and present with them while they undergo a process of self-inquiry and discovery of truth.
I believe that it is both necessary and essential for Masters to learn to hold space for their slaves in such a way that the slave continues to grow, continues to evolve and maintains their enthusiasm and dedication. What started me to thinking about this was a number of things that happened recently – I was reading the foreword of a book that we are talking about on my Master’s yahoo group – its The Control Book in which the author talks about why we do what it is that we do.

According to Peter Masters a Dominant is someone who seeks simply to take and use control over a submissive. A submissive seeks to give up control and be controlled by a Dominant. Control is the key – he also states in comparing M/s to D/s that a Dominant controlling a submissive is an exercise in want on the part of both parties, but in a M/s dynamic the control taken and used by the Master and also received and given by the slave are an exercise of NEED. On some level Masters need control..and slaves need to be controlled as well. I thought this was an interesting viewpoint, it did however bring me to another question which on the surface you might either think is obvious or assumed; what about the issue of personal pleasure and fulfillment with regard to the exercise of control taken and used on the part of the Master and received and/or given by the slave? Is it about sex, for instance? Certainly sex is one avenue to pleasure, and an important and essential one for many of us. WIITWD is full of sexual pathways to pleasure. But I’ve always felt that for me the exercise of taking and using control also gives me a tremendous sense of satisfaction internally – its difficult for me to describe that sense of satisfaction in any other way than to say it is also a feeling of pleasure, or pleasurable in nature. Combine sexual pleasure to the pleasure of exercising control and Im in heaven basically – but I’ve always felt that sexual pleasure and the pleasure I get from exercising or taking control are two different things.

Obedience is the foundation of the Master/slave relationship. As I’ve heard others, most recently Master Skip say – deliberate disobedience will almost always irreparably shatter this relationship. It is my belief that the other side of this coin is that if the Master does not provide regular opportunities for the slave’s obedience, the relationship can suffer as well. As I’ve noted earlier, in my experience I find that the pleasure I receive from taking and using or exercising control in my relationships is fulfilling to me. My slave finds fulfillment in responding to the exercise of that control. So it follows that as the slave lives and operates in response to our Mastery, it is incumbent upon us as Masters to be vigilant concerning the timing and frequency used to provide opportunities for obedience.

I was talking to my slave about some goals that I had outlined for her and as we continued to discuss the volume of things that she does on a daily basis she brought to my attention that she definitely feels differently about everyday activities and chores depending on how I’ve directed her. More specifically she feels differently if she cleans the floor because I’ve told her to clean the floor, or if I’ve been specific about how and when I want the floor cleaned in such a fashion, than if no directive at all is given concerning the floor.

What would normally be a mundane activity now becomes interesting.

Why is cleaning a floor then an interesting experience? I believe that her diligence in the task and the excellence of the outcome is directly related to her sense of being obedient to my wishes. As we talked more she told me that she felt that she didn’t have the energy that she used to and was feeling tired more often, even though she still felt a strong desire to perform at a level that would be pleasing to me. As I reflected on our discussion, I eventually had an "AHA" moment in which I realized that her perception of the activity and her energy level didn’t have much to do with how many hours of sleep she had received, exercise, good nutrition or taking vitamins, even though all of those were things that I have in the past had opinions about and had associated directives attached to them.

I had to admit to myself that although things were still happening in my house in a positive fashion and things were getting done, I had gotten too comfortable in many areas – there were too many things in the ‘automatic’ column – where my namaste was doing things because it was necessary that they be done, or in response to a general expectation of excellence, but not necessarily as a direct response to my Dominance.

Let me be clear here and say that there is absolutely nothing wrong in my estimation with a slave that takes the initiative and is both willing and able to jump in and figure out what needs to be done and just ‘take care of business’ as it were. My namaste is excellent at doing this, and as a result quite a few tasks or activities were just 'taken care of', beautifully, automatically, and largely unremarked upon by Me. Im trained from birth like most people to identify "what's wrong with this picture?" pretty easily. Try identifying "what's RIGHT with this picture"...takes a different skillset. I believe that this skillset on the part of the Master can be cultivated and strengthened, once We recognize how important it is. And it can also be used to energize our Dominance by providing opportunities for obedience as I will talk about in a minute.

My namaste is a virtual wizard at domesticity and has mentored a number of slaves in the hows and why’s of domestic excellence. I’ve always said she was at least part faerie, not only because of the magic she performs in this regard, but also because of her near constant energy and enthusiasm and love for life. She literally sparkles with energy at times. So while my house is beautifully maintained, one would think that I would have nothing to complain about. And in truth I did not have anything to be concerned or to complain about, from the standpoint of her attention to detail or general excellence in completing a specific task. That said, I believe that our continued enjoyment of our lives as Master and slave require that we often look a little deeper than what appears on the surface.

What attracted my attention to this area was the fact that this wasn’t the first time she’s mentioned feeling like her batteries were low. That was a concern to me.

A solution.
As I thought more about it, the words she spoke resonated with me “I feel more energized when Im doing something that you want done, than I do if Im just doing something that needs doing, or something that I feel needs to be done.” Now let me state clearly that I do not wish to become a household micro-manager, giving everything the proverbial white glove treatment when I come home. Im also not into nitpicking and finding things to be displeased about. While I can be exacting in terms of what I want accomplished, I find the affectation of 'infinite, constant displeasure' as a Master disingenuous. So I dont do it. I want to be pleased in my exercise of control over my slave and I want to be served by someone that finds joy in service to Me. Additionally, in my business I travel often, and there are many things that need doing on a daily basis that need doing whether or not Im physically present to monitor the outcome.

I have directed her to compile a list of things that she does somewhat automatically in our home so that I can review these activities. What am I going to do with such a list? I am going to review each activity and Im going to figure out how to ‘reframe’ that specific action for my slave in terms that reflect my Dominance in her direction. For example, she routinely sweeps the entryway to our house. This is something that is done because she always does it. I’ve never felt the need to issue a particular directive concerning it because there hasn’t been a need – if I do not look at this as an opportunity to engage my slave. The entry way is generally clean so there’s really been nothing to attract my notice there to be honest. However, there is still an opportunity there because it is something that she routinely does and believes is important.

Reframing Expectations for results
There may be literally a hundred things that similarly need doing around the house that would fall under this umbrella. How can these activities be ‘reframed’? For example my way of reframing the cleaning of the entryway would be like this; “The gateway to our house is the first thing any in our family see upon returning home at the end of the day. Make sure the floor in this area is clean and free of debris, dust and dirt on a regular basis. If I was going to be even more specific, I would add; sweep this area at least 3 times a week and use the swiffer mop on it once weekly.
My plan is to go through the entire list so that each of the areas that previously had not been receiving any attention from me is reframed to cover a specific directive or expectation of her. We will sit down periodically for my general review and commentary on all of the items on the list. The purpose for this activity is that she needs to be aware that these things do not escape my notice and that when she gets down to work on them, she is now doing them for Me, not just performing the activity to get it done or merely because it needs doing. I am taking that activity and holding space for her – providing a safe container for that activity and therefore elevating it from the mundane to the special.

To revisit concerning holding space – this can also be an act of maintaining a ’safe container’ for someone else. I’ve read of it being a spiritual exercise in which a higher consciousness, a high vibrational field, is invoked and maintained. So what is that like for me? I see myself sitting down and when Im in the process of writing out a clear directive for her, Im envisioning her in my minds eye carrying out that task with as much clarity as I can and also with My positive good intentions as well. I see her smiling and radiant in my mind as she goes to perform whatever it is that I’ve directed.

Im also mindful – Im conscious of what it is that Im asking for and my intention in writing it down is clarity of focus – I also ’see’ her performing the task to perfection as well.

Can everyday activities like sweeping and mopping and dusting, or washing and hanging clothing be opportunities for enlightenment? I believe its possible. But lets say a Master wants to do this and remains skeptical, for those Masters that are not about ‘The Woo’ – even if one does not believe in the notion of higher consciousness or any sort of vibrating field, to those Masters I would offer this for consideration; At the root I believe that most Masters want those under their charge to do well, to achieve the best and highest in whatever activity they are commanded to do. If that is true, then I believe that what is also true is that the act of merely taking the time, being mindful and present when we outline our directives can go a long way toward affecting the slave receiving and internalizing that Word and leads to more positive outcomes for both Master and slave.

When I as Master am conscious of my commands and directives, when I deliberately envision and direct my intention toward my slave in this way, by putting pen and ink on paper and the act of creating a list of things to do – I is my belief that I invest some of my energy in each command, in each directive – this can be an exercise of higher consciousness.

My direction or command to wash or clean or put away or organize strikes a responsive chord in my slave. The responsive chord that is struck within the heart of the slave invests her response to that command with energy as well.

My creation of another opportunity for obedience contributes energy to our Master/slave relationship through my exercise of control over her and also gives her pleasure in service as well. Yes, these are all things that she needs to do anyway, for the well being of our House, but by holding space for her in this way I believe I put a plug in the bottom of her metaphysical energy bucket, so more of her personal energy stays present for my use and enjoyment. Without that application of intention on my part, these day to day activities can become rote, mundane, dull and boring and as a result begin to drain energy away instead of being an energizing force.

Giving Good Advice

2010-01-20T10:19:00.001-06:00

Our world our landscape is changing. We are seeing things change rapidly, consistently, constantly.

Some may fear for our community, for our lifestyle.

That the principles that we hold dear and sacred will be watered down, diluted, become mainstream.

Some of these concerns are valid ones - We are not here to minimize them or to wish them away.

But rather we are here to help - to give a perspective on what each of us can do to make sure that what we have helped to build continues to grow and that the relationships we have and the communities and groups that we are a part of get stronger as we continue.

There is one area in which you, the Renaissance Master can make a difference regardless of what educational background you have, your political leanings or religious affiliations - You have an opportunity to make a difference nearly everyday, whether you realize it or not. Im encouraging you to commit to giving GOOD advice, either in person or on any of the online forums you frequent.

It is my observation that we arent generally taught how to give GOOD advice. And it is because we arent taught how to give advice that most of the opportunities that we see are missed. Good advice given and received well is priceless, but there are many ways in which good advice is given in a very poor manner and it ends up being not received despite the good intentions of the giver.

In online forums, offline discussions, lifestyle meetings, email groups, fetlife discussions and other places there are multiple examples of where good advice could have been given but the opportunity was missed.

The mistake that I've observed the most is failing to answer the question - for example; a person poses a particular question on an issue that is troubling them. Perhaps its something personal or something that happened or is happening in their relationship. Something that is either hurting them or causing some confusion in their lives.

Many responses are miles and miles away from answering the question. Much of what passes for advice given today is similar to giving someone that is wounded three well placed shots to the head instead of the assistance or help they are looking for.

The three shots to the dome typically take the following form; what they did wrong, what they should do, and what you/would do or wouldnt do if you were them.

Why dont these work to help the person with the problem??? - lets take a look;

What they did wrong - they KNOW already what they might have done that was "wrong" - that's why you are having the conversation in the first place!!! In football, there's a reason why they call a penalty when a bunch of guys not involved in the tackle just run up and jump on top of the pile. Its called PILING ON - and its not fun. Nobody likes to be kicked when they are down. They know that something is wrong already. Seriously.

What they should do. - this seems like the right thing to say, and honestly it can be at times. But TIMING is everything. If done too early it can seem unfair, hostile or blissfully ignorant of important facts relating to the situation. the reality is that You have to have permission to teach anyone anything. You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink it. (unless the horse is a slave of course, then you can, but that's a different discussion)

The truth is that you cannot make someone take your advice. You have to earn the right to be heard, and that typically isnt through talking - its through active listening.

Why do people vent? Because venting feels good - you get things off your chest, you unburden yourself. Venting is part of the problem solving process for many people - sometimes you have to listen to your own voice in order to start forming solutions as to what you need to do next. As the listener you may have some observations or something that you want to say. If the person venting does not say "so what do you think?" You can ask - Do you want to know what I think? If they say yes - then proceed. If not, listen, commiserate...say "that sucks" or whatever and move on.

What you would do or wouldnt do if you were them - what you would have done if you were in their shoes. What you would never "take" if you were them. The list goes on and on and basically what the mythical YOU would have done or not done is as fictional and irrelevant as a flying monkey making pancakes. What you're basically saying to the person is; IM cooler than you, IM smarter than you, I would never make the same mistakes as you. YOU dont make good choices. YOU are pitiful. YOU should have done something different. This is not only rude, but also can be perceived as condescending as well.

So...what can the RM do differently that will allow the space to gain enough emotional capital with someone needing advice to actually make a difference in their lives? What about when the question is already on the table, like in an internet forum - they have already described the situation and asked or implied "what do you think?" What then?

The answer really isnt that complicated - If you really want to influence people, If you really want to make difference, if you truly want to change things; Instead of the Three shots to the Dome, we are going to give you the Three graces of good advice.

FIRST - ANSWER THE QUESTION (if you know the answer). If the person asked a question answer the question. This seems very simple and to the point. If you dont know the answer - say you dont know!!! Its totally okay for the RM to not have all the answers. We arent here to know all the answers. We are here to maximize our enjoyment of this life from many different angles and vantage points. If you dont know the answer, you are still helping somewhat by listenting - "I hear you....but I have no idea what the answer might be" is entirely appropriate as a response.

ASK QUESTIONS - Resist the temptation to PILE ON just because everyone else is doing it. You can still ask questions - in fact, asking questions is the single most effective way of engaging a person because fundamentally it shows that you give a damn. You care. People who care are perceived as someone that is worth listening to. If you're online, as many of us are from time to time, dont worry about the "speed of the scroll" or how many other people have commented - if you really care, your post will stand out, no matter how many other people "weigh in" on the subject at hand. Why? Because I'll guarantee you most of those posts will be of the Three Shots to the Dome variety= What they did wrong, What they should do, and What the writer would/would not have done if they were in a similar situation. So what.
Again; People who care are perceived as someone that is worth listening to.

if you want to avoid sounding patronizing or holier-than-thou, the most effective way to achieve this is to ask questions because:

the questioning process helps a person consider alternate views of the issue they are struggling with that they might not have thought about previously.
questions give an implied 'permission' to the person to find answers for themselves and puts their decisions and their outcomes under their control;
questions keep you from guessing or putting forth an answer that might be wrong.

2. SHARE YOUR STORY - All of us are an expert on one thing - and that is OUR STORY.
RM, YOU WERE THERE. YOU'VE LIVED IT. You can see it like it was yesterday. You got the scars to prove it. You've lived with yourself for however long since you became enlightened that you are separate from everyone else on the planet. Your thoughts, your experiences, your ups and downs, your highs and your lows. These experiences are priceless and can be of benefit to another person seeking answers. THIS is different from talking about what you wouldnt do if you were them. This is talking precisely to what you DID do when you were in the same situation. This isnt a fantasy of what you would have done or not done - this is talking about your actual experience (if you have an actual experience to draw on) This is authenticity - this is being real and people who are real are perceived as someone worth listening to. Note; sharing your personal story can also put you in a place of vulnerability as well. I dont advocate putting yourself out there in front of every muffin with a question or issue. Yes I believe that you, gentle RM have a lot of wisdom to offer, but again be careful who you share that with. Make sure that you're sure the person is ready to understand and gain knowledge from the life lessons you acquired during your stay in a third world prison camp, without getting hung up on the reason you were put in there in the first place.

3. OFFER TO HELP
Ok RM - You've asked questions, you've shared your story - finally, do you have resources that you can offer that will help? Directions in which you can point the person beyond "go to hell"? Perhaps you know someone that is better qualified than you to comment on the subject raised and you can offer to put the person asking the question in touch with them. Perhaps you have articles or documents etc in your collection or url's where important information can be found that you can share. Offer to followup with them - encourage them to email you offlist. Establish a framework under which you can influence that person beyond the initial interaction if you are led to do so.

The point is RM - the best way we can make an impact on this M/s world is in the area of thought leadership People want to know what you know - but you have to be Real.

People who care are perceived as someone that is worth listening to.
People who are real are perceived as someone worth listening to.
People that give something of themselves without cost are perceived as someone worth listening to.

Give good advice RM.

Master's Moleskine

2009-12-17T10:56:00.000-06:00

Today’s Quote; …”.mastery isnt reserved for the supertalented or even for those who are fortunate to have gotten an early start. Its available to anyone who is willing to get on the path and stay on it ----regardless of age, sex or previous experience. “

George Leonard

Have you ever said that you are ‘a jack of all trades and a master of none’? Why? Mastery is available to you if you are willing to put in the time, energy and discipline. What are you Mastering today? What would you Master if you had the chance/opportunity?

My Thoughts; There are usually 1-3 people who have had a significant impact on your life. Like the banks of a great river, they have shaped your life and have influenced its ultimate direction. You are here to read this because of that impact. Take a moment today to tell them thank you in some meaningful way. I honor the spirit of my Mom, my Dad and coach Frank and others that have helped shape me into the person I am today.

Things We Love; Last night for dinner, we had some fluffy, hot scrambled eggs with cheese, crispy thick sliced bacon and hot, buttered raisin toast. Bacon is one of three indicators that the Universe loves us. You figure out the other two.

Music in my Head: Brian McKnight - Noel, and of course Luther singing O Come All Ye Faithful. amazing.

Travels; been flying back and forth between Dallas and Austin this week. Cant wait to get home, this is Christmas shopping weekend!

Deliciousness; I found the recipe for my eggnog that I make every year! Its high octane and makes enough to last until summer time. Cant wait!!!

Adventures this week; trying to untie stiff, near frozen dock line near dawn while kneeling on concrete. 20-25 mph gusts of wind cause the whole dock to shudder as I attempt to secure the boat in the slip. In these dark moments before dawn the lake seems irritated and unsettled. Boating is wonderful, until days like that when you suspect the weather is conspiring with the water to try and eat you.

Ex Libris; “The Healing Power of the Drum” “Beyond Fear, A Toltec Guide to Freedom and Joy”, "Freakonomics"

I am thankful for; My Dad’s successful surgery. My daughter playing basketball with heart and enthusiasm. Keeping Christmas

Discover the Event; We are hard at work preparing to stand for the titles at the Southwest Leather Conference 2010 Friday, January 22, 2010 - Sunday, January 24, 2010 – go to the website for details! http://www.southwestleather.org/

Wisdom; A man is nothing without his word.

My Dad always taught me that a man’s word is his bond. One of the few things even a poor man has is his word. Your word should never be broken. Always keep your promises, which may be difficult so don’t go around throwing around promises lightly.

Keeping Christmas

2009-12-15T17:12:00.000-06:00

The Keeping of Christmas

…… and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!

What does it mean to keep Christmas?

Keep – is an action word, a verb. Definitionally speaking, to ‘keep’ means;
1. to hold or retain in one's possession; hold as one's own:
2. to maintain (some action), esp. in accordance with specific requirements, a promise, etc.: 'to keep watch; to keep step.'
3. to cause to continue in a given position, state, course, or action: 'to keep a light burning; to keep a child happy.'
4. to maintain in condition or order, as by care and labor: 'He keeps his car in good condition.'

The closing lines from Charles Dicken’s classic fable of redemption haunted me after we saw the Disney adaptation of A Christmas Carol this past week. It is a story that I love, and I never tire of seeing the transformation that Scrooge undergoes as he is confronted with not only the bleak circumstances of his own spiritual interior but even more importantly the impact his actions continue to have on others and the grim spectre of his eventual demise and the torments awaiting him beyond the shroud, for having lived his life in his fashion, which was all about his own selfishness.

There are a host of lessons here in this tale for the astute RM. I’ll spare you a lot of sanctimonious droning concerning anything related to the typical Christmas messaging, e.g. Im not going to talk about commercialization, or moan about how things have changed from when I was X years old, etc.. Neither does the keeping of Christmas in my estimation have anything to do with how much money you do or don’t have, or the giving and receiving of gifts. Being a RM means knowing how to live passionately and with grace in whatever circumstances one finds oneself and besides, this holiday season isnt lacking for vivid examples of those among us that seemingly have everything, but through time and circumstance have made themselves and others miserable beyond belief. We do not lack for vivid examples of the traditional sort. You get the picture.

What then, is Keeping Christmas all about? Keeping Christmas, gentle RM is far more about the person you are inside – and who you are becoming, than it is about what you have or what you can acquire. Like it or not, RM – you are a leader, and you teach others what you are all about even if you aren’t directly speaking to them. In our pursuit of the best this life has to offer, let us pause and reflect a moment, recognizing that there are two sides to every coin and as a Renaissance Master it is not enough to have manners and to embody a sense of sang froid – but we also should be cognizant that part of the word gracious also means to give grace – and that grace, being unmerited favor is similar to sunlight – it is most noticeable when its reflected back from something tangible in the material world. Whatever we aspire to become, RM - the proof of the kind of Man or Woman we truly are can be seen in our relationships with others – in how we treat people not only during the holiday season but throughout our lives.

In 1924 Henry Van Dyke wrote a short address entitled “Keeping Christmas” – I leave you with this during this holiday season as its message is both timely and important. May each RM find the happiness and fulfillment you seek in the New Year and from House Obsidian we wish you and all within your Houses peace and joy as we endeavor to Keep Christmas throughout this upcoming year.

Master Obsidian
slave namaste

Keeping Christmas
Henry Van Dyke

There is a better thing than the observance of Christmas day, and that is, keeping Christmas.

Are you willing...

· to forget what you have done for other people, and to remember what other people have done for you;

· to ignore what the world owes you, and to think what you owe the world;

· to put your rights in the background, and your duties in the middle distance, and your chances to do a little more than your duty in the foreground;

· to see that men and women are just as real as you are, and try to look behind their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy;

· to own up to the fact that probably the only good reason for your existence is not what you are going to get out of life, but what you are going to give to life;

· to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe, and look around you for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness.

Are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.

Are you willing...

· to stoop down and consider the needs and desires of little children;

· to remember the weakness and loneliness of people growing old;

· to stop asking how much your friends love you, and ask yourself whether you love them enough;

· to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear in their hearts;

· to try to understand what those who live in the same home with you really want, without waiting for them to tell you;

· to trim your lamp so that it will give more light and less smoke, and to carry it in front so that your shadow will fall behind you;

· to make a grave for your ugly thoughts, and a garden for your kindly feelings, with the gate open—

Are you willing to do these things, even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.

Are you willing...

· to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world—

· stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death—

· and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem nineteen hundred years ago is the image and brightness of the Eternal Love?

Then you can keep Christmas.

And if you can keep it for a day, why not always?

But you can never keep it alone.

Time and Mastery

2009-11-03T15:34:00.000-06:00

"No mirror ever became iron again;
No bread ever became wheat;
No ripened grape ever became sour fruit.
Mature yourself and be secure from a change for the worse.
Become the light.”
~ Rumi

Mastery of anything takes time.

We live in a culture of instant. Instant gratification, instant results. However, I firmly believe that the RM is called to walk a different path. You’re interested in a great many things because you understand what it means to dig deep and mine the riches of knowledge and experience. You aren’t satisfied with the thumbnail sketch, the brief synopsis or the Cliff’s notes. You want to – you need to know the why of things. It brings a sense of satisfaction deep in the belly. It enriches the core of you. You also know the price that is to be paid for that knowledge. Perhaps blood, certainly sweat and yes even tears.

But it is worth it.

The pursuit of wisdom and knowledge is a transformative one – once you have set your foot upon this particular Path, you cannot turn back. You are growing. You are maturing. Becoming the bread, the ripened grape, the mirror… the process of maturation, the process of growing…in this and only this is your security. Be comfortable in this place between the ‘now’ and the ‘not yet’ - there will be growing pains of one sort or another. Mastery of anything takes time.

Patience.

The Power of Etiquette

2009-10-21T20:24:00.002-05:00

"The power of manners is incessant—an element as unconcealable as fire. The nobility cannot in any country be disguised, and no more in a republic or a democracy than in a kingdom. There are certain manners which are learned in good society, of that force that, if a person have them, he or she must be considered, and is everywhere welcome, though without beauty, or wealth, or genius."

—From Emerson's Essays.

What does it mean then to be a Gentleman, or a Lady in this day and age? To be a Master or Mistress and to receive service in all its varied forms for our personal pleasure and also to increase the amount of beauty in the world. How is this done exactly? It isnt found in ancestry, money or in dress - we are all well aware of those that 'look the part' so to speak but come across as fake as the proverbial 2 dollar bill. No, it is in something deeper - in the seeking and uncovering of rare and invaluable traits and the flexibility of mind and spirit to not only receive Truths when one comes across them, but to also incorporate these Truths into one's mind and heart and to make them your own. Those that would be RM will pay attention to these things. "You must study this" - Musashi would say.

Social Graces

It is in how we carry ourselves. I believe that one of the strongest motivating forces in the world is the desire to be thought well of by one's peers. Some books call it social happiness - the desire so to impress by one's manner that one will be welcome and respected wherever one chances to be.I wrote in an earlier piece about how "The Man that would Master another must first Master himself." Nowhere is this more evident than in the demonstrating of the social graces - what we call etiquette.

What is etiquette? Society has its own code of manners that must be observed by the RM. There are certain rules that must be followed, conventions that must be observed in something as simple as standing in line, asking someone to pass the salt or pepper at the dinner table, or joining a conversation already in progress. The intent of good etiquette is not to be showy or flashy or flamboyant, or fake - but the gentle exercise of the art of doing and saying the correct thing at the correct time, regardless of the circumstance or situation. And like any other discipline - the more you study it and apply yourself to it the better you become at it. Everyday we have an opportunity to tell the story of who we are inside primarily by two things; How we carry ourselves and how we treat other people. Etiquette is the vehicle by which that story is told during our public interaction with the society around us.

Cool Blood

The RM is never angry or impatient in a social setting. His actions and speech are tempered with a dispassionate calm and traquility - he is the embodiment of the french word; sang froid; the literal translation of this is sang, blood (from Old French, from Latin sanguis) + froid, cold (from the Latin frigidus) n. This is an attitude of coolness and composure, especially in trying circumstances. We all have encountered potentially embarrassing or socially difficult moments. It has been said that we dont have a choice in what happens to us, our choice lies in how we respond to it. The RM knows that it is poor form to show by our gestures and frowns and speech that we are annoyed by some circumstance that is entirely beyond our control.

Politeness Counts

How many times have you heard that in your lifetime? William De Witt Hyde, in his book, "Practical Ethics," says, "Politeness is proper respect for human personality. Rudeness results from thinking exclusively about ourselves and caring nothing for the feelings of anybody else. The sincere desire to bring the greatest pleasure and least pain to everyone we meet will go a long way towards making our manners more polite and courteous." The RM is polite to everyone, regardless of their station. Some feel that being polite makes one 'less Dominant' and I emphatically disagree. I've always been taught that you can learn a lot about a person by observing how they treat people who are in service. Making eye contact with the person that is serving you if possible to say 'please' when ordering and 'thank you' when receiving, e.g. when they refill your water glass or coffee cup can often make the difference in their day and insure you receive exemplary service in a restaurant. Servers appreciate politeness and will want to make you happy in return for that simple kindness. Additionally, dont raise your glass, tap on it to draw attention or waive at your server from the other side of the restaurant. Establishing eye contact and being polite early on in the encounter will 'raise' your visibility during your meal to the server in such a way that many times a look and a nod is all that is necessary to bring them over if you need something.

"This is the final test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible value to him." - William Lyon Phelps

It Pays to Be Agreeable

We are all like huge magnets when you really think about it. We tend to attract those things that are in line with what we send out into the world with our attitudes and actions. If we are ill mannered, irritable, abrasive and intentionally ignore both the boundaries and the rights of others, then we will find that other people will also ignore our boundaries, rights and be rude and irritated with us in turn. The RM recognizes that one of the biggest reasons to know proper etiquette (and also more specifically how to properly receive service) is to make one's own life more enjoyable and happier overall. If we are kind and agreeable we are more likely to encounter and attract people of the same mindset. I dont know why this is true. It just is. Being an RM is not about being manipulative or trying to convince everyone around you that you are something that you are not. It is actually tapping into a cycle of reciprocity that many of us have forgotten because we learned it when we were kids. Im sure we've all seen the bumper sticker "Mean People SUCK!" - its true. They do - the flipside of that truism is that the cultured person, the RM that studies the rules of etiquette and that is polite and agreeable finds that a new dimension of being and a different, better understanding of human relationships begins to unfold before him. He finds that if he is amenable to helping others, then help is also readily available to him in his time of need. By applying a little extra effort to improving the life of someone else, he finds that not only is his life improved in that moment, but he notices that sentiment expressed in his or her direction often from unexpected directions.

Secrets of Success

Everyone that desires to can become a gentleman in every sense of that word - and that is at the heart of being a true RM. Good manners and etiquette must be cultivated - you have to work at it. Exuding grace, poise and self confidence isnt artifice or an acting job. We all must study and learn and get better than we were. We have the sum total of most of recorded human knowledge at our disposal - the wise RM makes the best of it by intentional study of the things in his life that dont come easy. One of my coaches when I was a very young man at basketball practice noticed that all of us consistently came to practice and did the things we were 'good' at..we shot from our favorite spots on the floor, we bounced the ball with our 'good' hand, always. Im right handed so he began making me dribble with my left all the time at practice. Because that's what practice is really for. You get the example so I wont belabor the point further.

Cultivating good manners is relevant and important because every day you come into contact with people who will judge you by what you do and say. They go away carrying an impression of you and it depends upon our manners whether it is a good impression or a bad one. It is a mistake to assume that these skill sets are just for the formal dinner or special occaision. Studies have shown that you have approximately four seconds to make a good impression on someone you are meeting for the first time. In this world of power exchange dynamics you will find that many times that initial four seconds is not under your control - people tend to observe you from a distance before getting closer to you.

Cultivating good manners and etiquette, being agreeable and pleasant to be around insures a favorable impression even if you arent aware that you're being observed. But most importantly, paying attention to and having respect for how you engage others makes you respect yourself. When you respect others and respect yourself it naturally follows that those that would serve you will respect you as well. Ultimately, I truly believe that self respect is really the only thing that brings true happiness to all men and women.

The Best Steak in the World

2009-10-15T10:02:00.000-05:00

Good day, my name is Master Obsidian and I am an unapologetic carnivore. I love Meat in all its wonderful, delicious, awe-inspiring mouthwatering meaty goodness.

There are infinite ways and means associated with how meat is prepared and served. Certainly we can wax rhapsodic about the merits of crispy, succulent marbled sliced fragrant planks of piggy goodness – the gods have decreed that we call this ecstasy bacon. Bacon has its merits – but I believe that the discerning RM will find that there is plenty of bacon porn already available online. And besides, whether you’re a stove top RM or a cookie sheet RM – both paths through that particular forest end in basically the same clearing. You want it crisp, but not overly so, salty – again without overdoing it and its basically delicious, with little to no help from the RM or any of his or her minions other than the application of heat and an attentive eye. (Stovetop folks undoubtedly consider themselves the more daring bunch, braving the random mini eruptions of hot bacon grease, tongs in hand…) In any event, the discussion is rarely about quality in bacon. When we talk bacon, we talk quantity. ‘Nuff said about that.

However, today I want to talk about the relationship between the Renaissance Master and Steak – unlike bacon, which is slightly more forgiving...exactly what is done to the steak and how well it is executed will make all the difference in the enjoyment of the final product. We will first talk steak in general, and then narrow the discussion down to a specific cut of meat and its preparation. Finally, I will share with you the House Obsidian recipe for the Best Steak in the World.

Yes, seriously. The Best Steak in the World.

I kid you not.

Let us begin.

Picture the side of the steer. Starting at the neck and working down the backbone, you have the chuck, then the rib, followed by the short loin and sirloin and ending with the rump. The side section is the flank. Those areas produce the following steaks:

Chateaubriand: A piece of the tenderloin (the pointed end of the short loin), sized to feed two or more people and traditionally roasted.

Delmonico: A boneless cut from the rib section, named after the 19th century New York restaurant that popularized this dish.

Filet mignon: Think French! The name of this cut translates as tenderloin and it is the tapered, fork-tender end of the short loin.

Flank steak: A lean cut of meat taken from the underbelly that grills quickly. This cut often is used for fajitas.

Flatiron steak: Cut from the top blade, so named because it resembles a flatiron.

Hanger steak: Also called the hanging tenderloin, this cut is part of the diaphragm that hangs between the ribs and the loin.

London Broil: A large cut from the flank, often marinated to tenderize it, then broiled and served thinly sliced.

New York strip: A steak by many other names…(such as shell steak, Kansas City strip or sirloin club steak): The marbled, larger end of the short loin.

Porterhouse: Essentially the T-bone's big brother, combining two steaks in one, the New York and the filet.

Prime rib: The bone-in rib steak, cut from ribs six through twelve, that often contains a bit of gristle but is full of flavor.

Rib-eye: A rib steak without the bone; prized among steak lovers for its marbling and flavor – this steak is by far the tastiest steak in my opinion.

Sirloin steak: Sitting between the short loin and the rump steak is the sirloin, less tender than the short loin but still full-flavored. Can sometimes be rather tough and chewy, even when prepared well.

T-bone: Similar cut as the Porterhouse, only the filet side is usually a bit smaller. Named for the t-shaped bone running down the center of the steak.

Tri-tip: Also known as a culotte steak or triangle steak, the tri-tip is a triangular-shaped portion of top sirloin.

The reason all this is important to you, RM will be obvious in short order – the real estate axiom of ‘location, location, location’ is applicable here. Your enjoyment of the steak is directly related to what ‘neighborhood’ that steak is from on the side of beef that it is cut from.

The United States Department of Agriculture, or USDA, separates beef into eight different grades: Prime, Choice, Select, Standard, Commercial, Utility, Cutter and Canner. Most restaurants serve Prime or Choice beef and only about two percent of all beef graded by the USDA qualifies for Prime distinction. Another grading program is Certified Angus Beef®, a designation awarded by Wooster, Ohio-based Certified Angus Beef LLC. The mark applies to approximately eight percent of all USDA-graded beef that derives from Angus stock and meets certain quality criteria.

Is Angus better? More flavorful? Apparently it depends on who you ask – In my opinion it’s a descriptor of lineage that has morphed into a marketing strategy over time. In order to be certified Angus, the beef must be 51% Angus by heritage, period. The concern is that the other 49% can be just about anything and often is. A better barometer of what kind of beef you’re getting is the USDA grade. You generally wont go wrong with Prime or Choice beef. The grades refer primarily to the degree of fat marbling within the muscle tissue, with Prime beef containing no less than 8 percent intramuscular fat.

It is ill advised to: try and make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, rummage around in the bottom of top hats, figurative or otherwise in search of rabbits, or expect that garden variety cut of meat shrink wrapped and sitting slightly chilled under pink spotlights in the meat department of the local mega chain to become a Mind Blowing experience at your table regardless of the tender ministrations of your slave.

So lets start at the beginning. A frugal, but patient RM will wait for the right opportunity to arise, instead of opting to settle for an inferior cut of meat. What you are seeking is a sale on bone-in or even better, boneless ribeye steaks at one of the higher end grocers in your neighborhood. If you are the discerning and particular RM that happens to have a good relationship with an actual butcher, pop on down to the butcher shop and order up the following; Four ribeye steaks with excellent marbling, approximately 1” to 1.5 inches thick. You are going to buy at least four of these steaks – because you’ll want to have a couple to eat now and some additionals for a Future Meal to be Named Later. Trust me – when I divulge to you the wonders of the Best Steak Recipe in the World, you will want to do this again. And again. Soon.

Now that your steak is firmly in hand – what to do with it? Hand it over to your slave of course. Along with the proper instructions that we will be getting to shortly. Note; although much of Renaissance Master is written from a first person perspective - Im writing this with the implicit understanding that you, gentle RM will be engaging and directing someone else to procure, prepare and serve this steak to you in precisely the manner you expect.

Your direction is crucial, sexy and necessary. RM’s do not wave a limp hand in the general direction of a cold kitchen and expect magic to happen. RM’s have definite opinions about the kind of meat that graces the table and how it is prepared. You are a person of high expectations and rare, refined tastes. Given the vicissitudes of life, most people only recognize their Last Meal in hindsight. This my friend is the chief reason why the discerning RM is committed body and soul to full immersion and complete enjoyment of the best this life has to offer. Which is also why you have a submissive or slave handy that will be ecstatically looking forward to preparing this steak for you, among other things.

And now, without further delay –

The Best Steak Recipe in the World.

Prep Time:: 10 min
Cook Time:: 5 min
Level: Mysteriously Easy, once you know how and have the proper equipment

Serves: 1 to 2 servings

Ingredients

1 boneless rib eye steak, 1 1/2-inch thick
Canola oil or virgin olive oil to coat
Kosher salt and ground black pepper

You may have noted at this point that there are only three ingredients in the Best recipe. Before you scoff – have a care and note that this is not just any recipe. This is more appropriately known as food magick, and if you are any student of any sort of lore at all you know that following the proper sequence of events EXACTLY is often as important as the ingredients used. If your slave or submissive follows your instructions to the letter, you will have a steak that quite possibly will Change Your Life. Neglect these precise instructions and you may inadvertently summon Cthulhu to your kitchen. Or something. Im just sayin.

The Pan.

Place 10 to 12-inch cast iron skillet in oven and heat oven to 500 degrees. Bring steak(s) to room temperature.

The discerning RM needs to have at least one good quality cast iron skillet in the kitchen, well seasoned and ready for use for this recipe and for all sorts of other reasons which we will get to in our future travels. Remind me to talk to you later about the care and feeding of said cast iron skillet and how to ‘season’ it properly.

When oven reaches temperature, remove pan and place on range over high heat. Coat steak lightly with oil and season both sides with a generous pinch of salt. Grind on black pepper to taste. If you don’t happen to have a cast iron skillet handy, take unto you an oven safe frypan and instead of putting the frypan in the oven to heat up you are going to heat the pan and a couple teaspoons of oil on the stovetop. Be careful that you don’t set the oil on fire. When it starts smoking slightly, you are at the ideal temperature, but you’re also almost at flashpoint for cooking oil so be careful.

You’ve been warned.

The Sear.

Immediately place steak in the middle of the hot, dry cast iron pan. (everyone else without the cast iron pan handy, gently place put the steak into the pan containing the hot oil) Cook 30 seconds without moving. Turn with tongs and cook another 30 seconds, then put the entire pan straight into the oven for 2 minutes. Flip steak with tongs and cook for another 2 minutes. (This time is for medium rare steaks. If you prefer medium, add a minute to both of the oven turns.) If your tastes approach the extreme well done end of the spectrum, I am beginning to despair somewhat of your ever becoming a true RM….but I digress. After the appropriate interval of time, remove the steak from the oven. Timing is everything with this steak – the cook is never to poke the steak with something sharp to see how ‘done’ it is, neither is the cook to ‘press’ the steak with the spatula like a short order cook at a greasy spoon. The sear is as much alchemy as art. Studies have shown that the steak loses about the same amount of moisture during the cooking process seared or not so the myth of ‘sealing’ in the juices with high heat isnt quite what we thought.

It.doesnt.matter.

A seared steak is a beautiful, delicious steak and a wondrous thing to behold as well as eat.

Wait and see.

The Rest

After removing the steak from the pan, cover it with foil and let it rest for a few minutes. This lets the internal juicyness that is now right below the surface of the steak, redistribute itself within the body of the steak. By taking this step you insure that each bite of the steak is as juicy and flavorful as the one preceding it, all the way to the end of the meal. If you cut directly into a steak right out of the pan, you will get a few juicy bites but you can literally see the moisture flowing out of that initial cut and creating a shallow lake in the bottom of your serving plate. That’s great for television steaks. That SUCKS for the steak of the Renaissance Master. You’ll be halfway finished and will begin noticing that the steak is becoming drier and tougher to chew. Sound familiar? Don’t let this happen to you.

Let. It. Rest.

The Serve

After you uncover the steak (it will still be quite hot after two minutes) you can garnish it with a pat of salted butter, or some blue cheese crumbles. Yes, you could go old school with a vegetable accompaniment of loaded baked potato or perhaps a wilted spinach salad, but save that for another day. For this first run through I believe that the RM should dispense with vegetable tradition for a moment and enjoy this steak with a simple, yet robust red wine that you really love. Perhaps a candle or two to grace the table, along with some Coltrane or a bit of Miles Davis on the sound system to improve the ambience.

Yah, Miles. Kind of Blue if you want to get specific. Spend some time with this steak, chewing slowly and savoring the fantastic flavor punctuated with sips of some really great wine, or your favorite libation. Some wine recommendations;

Bordeaux Blend - A robust, full-bodied, Cabernet-dominant red blend with black currant, spice, and cedar.

Petite Syrah - A spicy red wine with plum, cherry, & prunes is also a good choice.

my favorite for ribeye;

Cabernet Sauvignon - A firm red wine with black fruit, oak, earth and herb influences is exquisite.

After dinner, take time to express your compliments to the chef afterward in the manner of your choosing, of course.

Enjoy.

You Owe It To Yourself

2009-10-09T12:30:00.000-05:00

I’ve been contemplating what it means to be a Renaissance Master and of course I have a ton of different thoughts on the subject – but waxing introspective for a moment (and of course, blogging is the ultimate in introspective exhibitionism, or is it creative narcissism..whatever, I digress.) In my mind, being a RM is about living an intentional life. Putting your intention…your energy, your life force, whatever name you put to it, your essence in being a Man toward living out and fulfilling your complete potential. Im not referring to being a captain of industry or aspiring to be a poet laureate or a nobel prize winner. The pursuit of being an RM is NOT about what others say about you or think about you. I personally believe that too much in our society is done by committee where manly fields of endeavor are concerned. The reality is that the court of public opinion is a fickle beast at best – and so much of what passes for achievement on a national or world changing scale involves the cooperative movement of vast amounts of energy outside the individual – it boggles the mind.

I abhor the mind being boggled. Its irritating.

Becoming a RM is not about that particular kind of success.

Then what is it about?

Becoming a RM is all about being the best YOU that you can be. Period. We live in a world that celebrates and encourages specialization…the belief that a mans best contribution to the society in which he lives comes at the end of an arduous path of greater and greater focus on a smaller and smaller body of knowledge. While I believe that men in particular have always defined themselves by their occupations to some extent, e.g. I am a Doctor, a Barrista, a Cheese Expert Dude at the local Whole Foods etc.. If we juxtapose Modern man against Renaissance Man what stands out most in my mind is the complete lack of specialization. Instead of aspiring to be a jack of all trades, master of none…the RM aspires to be Master of all disciplines, learning about as many subjects as possible – expanding his mind and consciousness exponentially. Everything from music, to politics, to philosophy, to botany, astronomy, chemistry, how to fix the brakes on a ’67 Mustang…the sky is the limit.

The world is the RM’s oyster.

Steven Wright says that “anywhere is walking distance…..if you have the time”. For the RM – the corollary would be that you can learn anything you want to learn – if you have the will to do so. Why is this important? And what is the connection to Mastery? After all this blog is focused on the Renaissance Master, not merely the Man.

Im glad you asked. Very astute observation.

The connection between the Renaissance Man and Mastery is simply this;

If you have any hope of Mastering another successfully, you must first learn to Master yourself.

I’ll say that again in a slightly different fashion; The Man that would Master another must first Master himself.

And how so - through the pursuit of esoterica? Read on, gentle reader and work with me here.

I believe that the M/s community, particularly on the part of the Masters is at a proverbial fork in the road. It is my assertion that very few Masters are having fun.

That’s right. I said it. MASTERS ARENT HAVING FUN. .

Mastery has become very serious business of late. We’ve become black leather clad sourpusses. Serious, glowering, goateed, steely eyed juggernauts of melancholy. And its showing in the fact that there are by my totally unscientific wild ass guess of a calculation, 13 umpty-kajillion submissives and/or slaves to each dominant or Master.

Why is that? And what does that have to do with the having of fun?

There are many reasons why this may be so – but chief among them I believe is this central fact;

Masters as a rule don’t know how to enjoy themselves and have fun because the philosophical focus of much of what we study is all about the slave, and not the Master.

Being a “good” Master or a good Dominant has become synonymous with acquiring the skill sets necessary to doing the things that will make the slave happy.

We study how to beat the slave, how to flog the slave, how to cut, fold, spindle and bamboo and hemp the slave into submission. The care and feeding of the slave or submissive, the emotional states of the slave, what to do when they react or rebel, how to soothe them, after care them, wash and rub them down yadda yadda yadda.

Being a “good Master” nowadays seems like a lot of work.

And it is, if you look at it this way. Is it any wonder that Men aren’t knocking down the door demanding to find out our Secret Lore of Mastery? Why not?

Well, for one – they already have jobs and stress and a whole lot of responsibility. Who wants to sign up for more?

Modern Mastery doesn’t look like a whole lotta fun does it.

It looks a lot like the reward for good work…is more work.

Feel me?

This isnt that complicated.

But one may say in response; If we don’t keep the submissives happy, the slaves happy then they might leave us!!!

To that I say;

Balderdash.

Poppycock.

Bullshit.

I believe that we’ve focused so much on them because we’ve forgotten what it is that we want, what it is that we need.

What about Enjoyment. Ease. Comfort. Exquisite Sensation. Hedonistic abandon??

Fun?

Let me be more specific;

What about the rich aroma of your favorite French roast, expertly prepared with just the right amount of heavy cream and sugar…hot and redolent with complexity just the smell of it is its own experience…served to you in your favorite cup. By someone whose care and adoration shows through with each movement as they hand you the cup and who’s joy is evident in the witness of YOUR pleasure at the first taste when you close your eyes and a deep rumble of satisfied MMMMM emanates from your chest.

Im talking about sheer enjoyment here my friend.

What about a fine Bordeaux, or Merlot, or Cabernet…served at the right temperature, with a juicy ribeye? Cooked the way they cook it at Ruth’s Chris, with searing, slightly dense caramelization on the outside, tender juicy pink goodness inside. And butter.

Don’t forget the butter.

Bliss.

And YES your submissive or slave can make this for you at home tonight. And NO you don’t need a commercial oven or any tremendously specialized equipment to make this happen.

You don’t know how this is done. Yet.

And you should know. You’re an aspiring RM. It is essential for the true carnivore RM to have a wide and esoteric knowledge of all things steak and how they are truly prepared well.

Speaking of Meat - what about sausages? – where can you get real authentic Bangers – and how do you have them prepared?

Who has the best bacon? What’s the best way to cook it? How do you like yours served?

Your submissive or slave should be a delight to your senses in all ways – what kind of scent do you have them wear in your presence? Do you prefer light and airy scents with berry and wildflower notes? Or deep and sensual cinnamons, sandalwood and musk notes.

Can you tell the difference?

Do you know what Im talking about?

Is your preference to have the submissive or slave layered in silks, in tight and shiny latex or sheer diaphanous fabrics or nothing at all? Have you taken those fabrics and rubbed them against your face, run them through your fingers so that you know and understand exactly WHAT you like and WHY you like it? Do you know the difference between synthetic silk and the real thing?

Does it matter?

I believe it DOES matter. I believe all of this matters. It matters more than most of us realize.

When you develop your mind, when you apply your focus and your intention to the acquisition of more and varied sources of knowledge…then you start really living.

You develop preferences.

You have ideas.

You know exactly what you want and how you want it – because you’ve taken the time to find out.

And most of all, NOW you can devote a portion of YOUR energy to enlisting, controlling and compelling the energies of another to facilitate your enjoyment of this life.

This is why your submissive or slave is here.

So that they might serve YOU at YOUR pleasure – and thereby receive purpose, motivation, development and satisfaction - at YOUR feet.

You are here to be served.

The slave is here to serve you.

Don’t ever forget that.

Lets bring back the passion my friends.

Lets bring back the energy, the FUN the sheer joy of being a Man and being in control and orchestrating our individual lives and pursuits to maximize our enjoyment of each and every day we have on this planet.

Living an intentional life.

Let’s get started, shall we? We have a lot to cover and we don’t want to waste time.

Welcome.